Everyone obsesses about one thing or another, I believe. Some people are serious collectors of obsessions. They fall for almost everything, and follow it insescantly until it wears them out. Some wear these obsessions proudly, like a stalker, that sends you postcars with all his information, or stands around wearing an "I <3 You" sandwhichboard and ringing a bell. Some covet their obsessions, hiding them like old love letters under the bed.
I dont understand how we grow to obsess over the things we do. Be it money, an ex, a new crush, a fear, an old scar, a new pain. But I do understand the nature of obsession. How it controls you and makes you defend it at the same time, like an abusive lover. You will look at your ex's new girlsfriends myspace page 50 times in one day, then say "What? Im just curious what he sees in such a slut" When you have in fact never really met her. When really, youre wondering more what he does not see in you. I am a part time obsessor. I find an obsession, lying abandoned in the road, and I say 'Oh little vice, let me take you home.' where I then nurse it back to full obsession health, and release it back into the mentally disturbed world. I lose interest in my obsessions with time, probably making me a terrible obsession owner. A faithful obsessor, would no doubt hold onto their obsession with such vigor, nothing could tear it from their kung fu grip. Perhaps a future aspiration for me, I dont know. These things puzzle me now, because I realized today I do several things, constantly: Check my gas gauge, check my sleeping children to ensure they continue breathing, check my bank balance, text Jesse, check Jacks formula and diaper supply, and check my hair. I am, I know, an obsessive little freak.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Saturday, January 24, 2009
How to be a Bum
So its not OFFICIALY my first day out of work, since its Saturday, but I am DEFINITELY already feeling like a lazy ass bum, who contributes nothing to society, and may as well just live in a box collecting welfare. I dont deal well with not earning money. I like money. I mean Im not superficial or anything, I just like not having to depend on anyone. I also already miss everyone from Vanguard. Even though I'll still talk to just about everyone I liked there, still it sux. Hopefully I can find something soon. Its hard to be an Alpha Dog, when you have no co-workers to....Alpha over.... Or something. I dont know. Right now Im sitting in my striped cotton capris jammy pants, drinking coke, typing this, being bored, and listening to The Emporers New Groove play in Lainies room for the HUNDRED MILLIONTH TIME!!! But Im ok... Im alright. Im still the Alpha Dog. I got this....
Friday, January 23, 2009
How to Fall in Love-Again
1. Get back together:
It could happen anytime, between two people that were once together. Two people that know deep down, they never should have seperated. It could happen one afternoon, when you hang out and feel that old familiar closeness you've been missing. It could happen anytime. You just know, its time to fix this. It wont be anything like the movies, but it will be special. It will be exactly what you were waiting for.
2. Open your eyes:
Look around and realize how beautiful this person is to you. Even when they look like crap, even when they yell and scream and pout like babies. Even when you're bored as hell with them, because all you two have done is sit around the house for two straight weeks eating fast food and watching movies. They are amazingly beautiful. Looking at them, pulls you to them. Thinking of them makes you miss them. Kissing them makes you want them. Open your eyes.
3. Let Go:
Forget the past. You've lived it, you've grown from it, now let it go. You are here, this is now. Enjoy yourself. And one day, or night, or morning with this man, he will look at you. He will kiss you and pull you to him, and you will die. Every part of the old you will fade away and you will become a creature of love. A body and soul that choses love over all else. Over anger, resentment, fear and mistrust. You will chose this person, and he will love you back. You will know in that moment, in that kiss that this is where you belong. This is home.
It could happen anytime, between two people that were once together. Two people that know deep down, they never should have seperated. It could happen one afternoon, when you hang out and feel that old familiar closeness you've been missing. It could happen anytime. You just know, its time to fix this. It wont be anything like the movies, but it will be special. It will be exactly what you were waiting for.
2. Open your eyes:
Look around and realize how beautiful this person is to you. Even when they look like crap, even when they yell and scream and pout like babies. Even when you're bored as hell with them, because all you two have done is sit around the house for two straight weeks eating fast food and watching movies. They are amazingly beautiful. Looking at them, pulls you to them. Thinking of them makes you miss them. Kissing them makes you want them. Open your eyes.
3. Let Go:
Forget the past. You've lived it, you've grown from it, now let it go. You are here, this is now. Enjoy yourself. And one day, or night, or morning with this man, he will look at you. He will kiss you and pull you to him, and you will die. Every part of the old you will fade away and you will become a creature of love. A body and soul that choses love over all else. Over anger, resentment, fear and mistrust. You will chose this person, and he will love you back. You will know in that moment, in that kiss that this is where you belong. This is home.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Two Blogs in One Day! What a loser....
That I am friends. I am at work, at the lovely and prestigious Vanguard, who has laid myself and about 20 other people off, and made tomorrow our last day. Fine by me, this job is kinda gay, except it is money, and there are NO jobs out there. I mean there are, but they're so inendated with 50 million ba-jillion applications, you never hear back. I have been filling my time, by applying to whatever I can find online/looking at pictures of birds for my next tattoo. Now I obviously cant get this tattoo til I have another job lined up, but its something to keep me from worrying about money. Im a firm believer that if you dont worry about money, money comes to you. Its one of God's ipso-facto type miracle thingies. A personal favorite of mine, aside from the good old fashioned smiting. (I would like to stop and say at this point that what I just wrote made me laugh outside my head. My cubie Jacob took little time in pointing out how embarassing that must be for me...) Anyways, where was I? I dont know, Im so completely distracted by my own hilarious nature, I am having trouble concentrating. Tears have actually started coming to my eyes. I suppose the only way to end this, is to quote my dear cubie, who after tomorrow will merely be a blog buddy to me:
"She wasn't mad, thats just the way her voice sounds." and "I've never seen a neck stop a misile." and last but not least "Sarah if youre going to get a tattoo of a bird, it should be a tucan. I dont really know why, but it fits you."
"She wasn't mad, thats just the way her voice sounds." and "I've never seen a neck stop a misile." and last but not least "Sarah if youre going to get a tattoo of a bird, it should be a tucan. I dont really know why, but it fits you."
How to Slack Off at Work
Hello all. This is the beginning of my blog. It will give various rediculous tips on how to do, not do, or achieve several different things in life. I will give advice only where I am an expert from experience. I will take no regard for the relevance of the advice I give, as the things I am an expert on, are not anything you can learn in school. I am a scholar of bullshit, a wealth of random, obscure and often useless knowledge. But you will enjoy it. And at some point, you will use it. Of that I am sure.
Now, for our first lesson, is how to slack off at work. On this subject I am a supreme master.
1. Find someway to seat yourself as far away from the boss. This is useful, not just for slacking off, but also for giving him, and other random co-workers that you find displeasing the finger when they bug you.
2. If you plan on sleeping at your desk, come up with various things to say when your boss wakes you to cover yourself.
e.g. "In Jesus name I pray, Amen"
" Whew, must've left the cap off the white out again. I think you got here just in time."
" Who knew NyQuil was such a downer!"
" Im just so depressed...and possibly on my period..." <---This works well if you can fake cry. A male boss will be creeped out and uncomfortable, and just waddle away. A female boss-will see right through your shit, and can your ass. Work for a man.
3. If you work at a call center, call avoidance is a useful tool. After Call, AUX or whatever your system uses, can come in handy. Simply pop yourself into some busy mode, then right back to auto in, to put yourself at the bottom of the que. It might get you fired, but eventually being a lazy piece of crap will do that anyways, so enjoy yourself while you have a paycheck!
4. Befriend the boss. Get enough on his good side, so that you can go up to him to ask a somewhat-kinda sorta-important question then slide right into casual small talk. Gives you a nice short break. Be sure you can feign interest in his fat wife, obnoxious kids, golf stories, the weather, blah blah blah....... Convincingly.
I am a HUGE fan of slacking off at work. It relaxes me, and gives me time to perfect my strategy on finding a sugar daddy. I like to turn my screen away from any authority figures line of sight, and stare at it, with a very concentrated face, while pretend typing. This works great in administrative position. Really when it comes to being a lazy SOB at work, you have to find your own style. Some prefer to be a renegade, and adopt a general F-It attitude. Thats fine if youre a fan of the Unempoyment line, and searching the classified frequently. Some like to kiss up, or even suck off the boss. Good for you too, you little ho-bags! Use it before you lose it and become a sad pathetic shell of yourself. Dont worry, your daddy didnt love you. You werent imagining it.
Anyyyywhooo, feel free to use this advice at your leisure. Adjust it, make it your own. And good luck to all of you in your future journey of doing as little as humanly possible without being declare legally dead.
Love,
Sare-Bear
Now, for our first lesson, is how to slack off at work. On this subject I am a supreme master.
1. Find someway to seat yourself as far away from the boss. This is useful, not just for slacking off, but also for giving him, and other random co-workers that you find displeasing the finger when they bug you.
2. If you plan on sleeping at your desk, come up with various things to say when your boss wakes you to cover yourself.
e.g. "In Jesus name I pray, Amen"
" Whew, must've left the cap off the white out again. I think you got here just in time."
" Who knew NyQuil was such a downer!"
" Im just so depressed...and possibly on my period..." <---This works well if you can fake cry. A male boss will be creeped out and uncomfortable, and just waddle away. A female boss-will see right through your shit, and can your ass. Work for a man.
3. If you work at a call center, call avoidance is a useful tool. After Call, AUX or whatever your system uses, can come in handy. Simply pop yourself into some busy mode, then right back to auto in, to put yourself at the bottom of the que. It might get you fired, but eventually being a lazy piece of crap will do that anyways, so enjoy yourself while you have a paycheck!
4. Befriend the boss. Get enough on his good side, so that you can go up to him to ask a somewhat-kinda sorta-important question then slide right into casual small talk. Gives you a nice short break. Be sure you can feign interest in his fat wife, obnoxious kids, golf stories, the weather, blah blah blah....... Convincingly.
I am a HUGE fan of slacking off at work. It relaxes me, and gives me time to perfect my strategy on finding a sugar daddy. I like to turn my screen away from any authority figures line of sight, and stare at it, with a very concentrated face, while pretend typing. This works great in administrative position. Really when it comes to being a lazy SOB at work, you have to find your own style. Some prefer to be a renegade, and adopt a general F-It attitude. Thats fine if youre a fan of the Unempoyment line, and searching the classified frequently. Some like to kiss up, or even suck off the boss. Good for you too, you little ho-bags! Use it before you lose it and become a sad pathetic shell of yourself. Dont worry, your daddy didnt love you. You werent imagining it.
Anyyyywhooo, feel free to use this advice at your leisure. Adjust it, make it your own. And good luck to all of you in your future journey of doing as little as humanly possible without being declare legally dead.
Love,
Sare-Bear
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
